Often my sister has called me “King of the Nerds”. I earned this title through my ability to interact easily with both the gaming community and those in the general public. I have achieved this through various means that I don’t know need be addressed. The main means I did this is simple, I did NOT talk about my hobbies with those that I didn’t think would be into what I did. This has continued to be a tactic I have used, not talking to those I work with about 40k or neglecting to pull out a codex at the family camp out (my immediate family knowing what I do, but my extended family does not, and definitely not to the extent that I have gone). My wife recently called me out on this, “Why do you hide what you do?”
Such a simple question, but the answer wasn’t easily obtained in my brain. I have been doing this for so long that I don’t even notice my efforts to hide what I do from others. The reason, or the main one I can think of is tied to that childhood fear of rejection and ridicule. Being an overweight child all my life around these southern California tanned, fit, surfer kids has never been easy. Add in my childhood attraction to comic books and video games and I was a prime target for the sporty, rich jocks that ran around the school thinking they were better than…well everyone else. As any creature, those survival instincts kicked in eventually and, especially after moving onto a high school where only four people there knew me before, I reinvented myself in as “King of the Nerds”.
I didn’t discuss gaming or comics with people. I learned about popular culture and watched sports, hell I took up playing sports for a while. I went to parties and concerts. I must admit that this was restrictive for my growth as a gamer, but it allowed me to embed myself into the general public. I am not saying I fully regret this, this time of my life helped me meet a great woman that I would eventually go on to marry and I have met some of my best friends during this time. Luckily for me that one of those friends I met during this period of my life happened to play this obscure game call…Warhammer 40k! Sometimes though, I look back and wonder, had I been more open with my hobbies, could I have fit in with others and still been able to enjoy my Nerd lifestyle? Perhaps, perhaps not. Unfortunately there is no way to know. I do think I missed out on some good gaming time and meeting others who enjoyed hobbies similar to mine.
This mentality has followed me beyond, as I mentioned above. I am not saying that I will go to work tonight and tell people that I host a podcast about this game called Warhammer 40,000 which involved miniatures that I paint and set on a table full of terrain that, I build and paint. However, I did find myself telling a friend here at school about what I did when he saw me working my forums. I am looking to ease myself out of the “closet” (go ahead Dawson, I will take the obvious jokes) and be able to tell people about what I do if it were to come up in a conversation.
This transition I think is becoming far easier in todays society. Lets face it, it seems to be far more popular to be a “Nerd”. Video games are things that celebrities talk about, hell there is even a video game award show. Comics have hit mainstream through blockbuster films and hero orientated TV shows. Among these newly risen pop culture elements are a series of games by THQ. The Dawn of War series, like them or not, has done a lot to advance our hobby into the world of pop culture and main stream. After seeing my screen saver, a classmate asked me if I played Dawn of War. Something obscure like Warhammer 40k a few years ago would never be recognized.
On the horizon are several other things to bring our hobby up. There is the Fabled and long off 40k MMO, perhaps it will emerge when people are finally over WoW, and the eventual Ultramarines Movie. Two more weapons in the Arsenal of the “nerds” that play this game. There may be a day when we have nothing to fear from those that mock and ridicule us. I think it will help anyway. As an adult, I realize that there is far less to fear, most grown adults don’t bully each other, but for those teens that are getting into this hobby, I hope that this slow rise of 40k into the pop culture realm will aid those children and keep them from needing to hide their hobby and not have to create an alter ego.